u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm at about main and main street
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
