Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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