You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
