oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
