I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
