I just threw up on my dentist
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
