she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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