I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
