Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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