my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
