yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
