Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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