My Higher Power is John Stamos
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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