I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
