so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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