Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
