Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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