Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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