you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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