shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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