I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
