ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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