I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There are leaves in my underwear?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
