chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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