she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Randomize
