got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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