Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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