did you get engaged???
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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