We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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