ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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