Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
