the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
