well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
