is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
