And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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