Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
