I just cut my nipple shaving
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
