Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
