your thong is hanging out like whoa
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
