Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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