its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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