I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
