Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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