So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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