$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
