So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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