dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Lo siento on account of my penis...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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