checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
