There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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