That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
