were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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