just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
