dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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