Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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