i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
