Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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